08/23/11 10:08 p.m EST.
Day one of viewing life positively and it is just grand. (: I feel like some poppy-loving Hippie or something right now. >_< Eep. Well, then again, they don’t have that bad of style.. ;) I mean, they’re generally nudists, right?! :D I would fit in perfectly! ;) Just kidding. (:
08/24/11 1:23 a.m. EST.
I forgot to finish the post for yesterday, but that song was probably the highlight of my day. Oh, and I went school-supply shopping.. kind of. We didn’t buy anything, aha. :)
I love his voice when he sings these lyrics.. Is it weird I actually teared up listening to this song? I blame my period. :p
“‘cause if one day you wake up and find that you’re missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be” …
Going Back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I’m not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my hand
Saying, “If you see this girl can you tell her where I am?”
Some try to hand me money, they don’t understand
I’m not broke I’m just a broken hearted man
I know it makes no sense but what else can I do
How can I move on when I’m still in love with you
‘cause if one day you wake up and find that you’re missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin maybe you’ll come back here to the place that we’d meet
And you’ll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street
So I’m not moving, I’m not moving
Policeman says, “Son you can’t stay here”
I said, “There’s someone I’m waiting for if it’s a day, a month, a year”
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go
‘cause If one day you wake up and find that you’re missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you’ll come back here to the place that we’d meet
And you’ll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I’m not moving, I’m not moving,
I’m not moving, I’m not moving
People talk about the guy that’s waiting on a girl
There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world
Maybe I’ll get famous as the man who can’t be moved
Maybe you wont mean to but you’ll see me on the news
And you’ll come running to the corner
‘cause you’ll know it’s just for you
I’m the man who can’t be moved
Going back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag, I’m not gonna move
Gah, such a heartfelt song. c’: Where’s my boy who won’t be moved?
So, today, I made a realisation. :) And obviously, it has to do with the photo, but.. It’s learning how to love yourself. I don’t mean telling yourself you’re beautiful, or consciously thinking that it’s a you-centric world. Loving yourself entails that you appreciate your ideas, you support your decisions, and you brace yourself for whatever happens at any point in time. It’s hard to regret decisions because sure, looking back the outcome may not have turned out what you wanted it to be, but think of it this way, at one point in time, that was something you truly wanted. I happened upon this realisation when I thought about why I was so unhappy and why my friends’ words and advice would never elicit an emotion from me. Then, looking at a post I previously made during a time when I was so confused, a thought hit me. Why do I always downgrade myself? What is it about me that I despicably despise? I never hated other people, so where did all this hate towards myself come from? The answer was.. nothing. The more I thought, the more it became clear. There isn’t anything about me that sets me apart from everyone else. I laugh, I cry, I smile, I frown, so what is it about me that sets me apart from everyone? Well, the answer became crystal clear at this point. THERE. IS. NOTHING. WRONG. WITH. ME. If anything, there are a lot of qualities I like about myself! One mainly being the ability for me to empathize with others, and another is being able to judge kindly of people. Oh, I also like how I’m open-minded to most things. ;) Haha, I may be conceited now, or I may be confident now. Either way, there is something that has to change: how I view myself. So, from this day forward, I will learn how to love myself, and I will show others how beautiful I truly can be. :)
Watch out, world. ;) There’s a beautifully threatening girl headed your way.
08/22/11 9:37 p.m EST
Mommy left today. We didn’t get to watch One day together. Weirdly enough, I didn’t shed a single tear.. Until later, that is. I think I’ve finally found the core of all my troubles, though! The root of all my troubles? Three letters: P-M-S. Oh, yes! It’s that lovely time of year again where I get to scream, shout, moan, groan, and drone about all my troubles and blame it on something else rather than blaming the actual problems. I guess, you can say, its every girl’s scapegoat. :D Want to be a bitch for a day? Want to tell people how you feel?! EASY PEASY. Simply tell them you’re irritable because you’re on your period and you don’t mean everything you say, and when I say “everything” I mean that last statement. Anything else that comes out of this mouth is all truth. ;) Speaking of that, why is the line between honesty and cruelty blurred? Sure, you can be brutal with your honesty, but you’re an asshole for telling people how they truly are? Does that even make sense? How are we supposed to expand the views of others when they can barely view pass themselves? It’s crazy talk, I tell you. Oh well, to each his own.. By the way, euphemisms SUCK. Tell it how it is. Sugar-coating that everyday people are dying, everyday, someone is raped, or everyday, someone is starving doesn’t DO anything besides provide the illusion that the world isn’t as brutal as it seems. Live up to it all. Embrace every cruel moment of life, because only then will you see the beauty of the things around. Trust me, there’s more to this life than just you. ;) I feel a tad hypocritical, but that’s okay. When aren’t we?
Ah! I somehow managed to poetically define how badly my heart aches for the people I hold dear and near. :) Hmm, is it weird that I like how my words sound when I respond to people, but when I’m simply typing to no one but myself, I sound so condescending? Maybe I actually do hold a soft spot for people. Maybe.
Haha, of course, it would be with Kyle that feelings tremble inside me like a bottle capped with all the air inside, and when you finally twist and squeeze the bottle hard enough, the cap simply “POPS!” off and the bottle seems to breathe again. Do you ever feel like a plastic bottle? Haha. c:
I sometimes wonder if it’s just Kyle who misses me most. Everyone else seems to be doing just dandy. Haha, I know I’m not some major part of everyone’s lives, but is there ever a moment where something happens and you can’t help but wonder what I’m doing? Where I’m going? Does it ever pain you to see something and have it remind you of me? Do you ever want to just see me again? Hold me? See me smile? ‘Cause I know it happens to me with you all the time.
Well, enough toxic thought vomit. ;) Well, okay, maybe one more thing.. I ranted. Hardcore. It all started out with this:
Then it developed into this:
Do you like my quick transition of “hey! I’m learning the piano?!” Haha. :) If there was ever one thing I loved about myself it’s how not to dwell on topics. Of course, there are times, but, well, ‘ya know. (;
Well, it’s time for bed, yeah, no , just kidding, but time to move on from this! :) Maybe some piano.. Hehe :)Sincerely, Me. c:Who else?Ashee, dur.
Ha, doesn’t everyone?
Finger buddies! C: Pwuahh, eesh so cute.
Ho ho ho! So, I finally gave into temptation and I made a tumblr. :c Who would have thought the day would have arrived?! I mean, sure, I used it once or twice to rant about people and hoped deep inside they’d see it.. BUT! Let’s try this out for real. c:
So, I might go see One Day with my mom today. >:D I’m excited. The main actor is hot (and that’s usually what matters, right? ;) ) and I’ve always liked Anne Hathaway’s works. (Did I spell her last name right..? I’m too lazy to check. :c ..)
Oh! Guess what song I’m listening too?! Stereo Hearts! Ooh ooh oh oh ohh oh! So sing along to my stereo! c: I guess the one thing I really like about that song is that.. We all have SOME song inside of us (that’s corny, huh.. Oh well! :D). And like most songs, some people enjoy listening to it and keep it on repeat, while other songs, we don’t particularly like, thus we don’t listen to. It’s all about preferences and what keeps us happy. :) I really am random in this blog, hopefully the ones down the road make sense.. Who knows. :D This is pretty much stream of consciousness at work. (Oh! Lit term. c:) Anyways..
Time to get the dreary part out of my system!
Family isn’t really all it’s cut out to be, is it? I feel like I’m being torn in two directions all the time. Friends don’t last forever.. Okay, I understand that.. Family sticks with you ‘til the bitter end.. Yeah, okay, I understand that too.. But.. what happens when your family act like your friends and your friends act like family? I feel like I’ve been alone my entire life, trying to meet someone, anyone who’ll just tell me it’ll all be okay, that I’m not as terrible as they make me seem, that I’m not those things and that I’m so much better. I guess it’s hard though since at some point, I always push people away, and then when they are finally gone, I regret it, but it’s too late. I mean, I love my family, I do.. I always have to smile through their insults, remain silent when I’m being scolded, listen while they praise everyone else and overlook me like I’m trash. Am I really THAT fat? Am.. I really that elephant in the room that everyone overlooks? /: Jeez! Haha, and I guess that’s what I love the most about them. c: They’re sweet, they’re sincere, they’re genuine… They’re people who I wish I could spend the rest of my life with, always. They’re always complimenting me, even if it’s with lies, or it’s out of pity, I always feel warm inside when I hear them. I mean, sure, they’re awkward because I never know how to exactly respond, but, whenever they tell me I’m this, or I’m that, I always deny it because I don’t see it, but.. That little girl, haha. :3 That little girl is pretty much hugged with each compliment, each concern, and each ounce of love offered. It sounds silly, and pathetic, but, can you blame me? o: My entire life, I’ve been told I’m fat, I’m ugly, I don’t fit in.. I’m not part of this family, and even to the point where I’m the cause of someone’s death?! Umm, okay. If I had that kind of power, I doubt I’d waste it on that, haha. But it’s whatever. I don’t know why I left them. Sure, education is important, sure, they might not last forever, sure, we may never speak or see each other again some time in the future.. but.. When I look back on life, I’ll always remember those three idiots who taught me that life isn’t just about following the road, or a routine, that.. in order to follow your dreams, you have to start by leading them in the direction you want to go. (:
A juicebox! c:
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